Cannot think of a title

Disclaimer: My issues do not equal the Maguindanao Massacre. Hindi kayang tumbasan ng issues ko ang pagsigaw ng damdamin ng kung sino mang agrabyado sa Pacquiao-Ranillo love affair. It cannot match to whatever is going on inside the mind of whoever the next President of the Philippines will be. I know there is a bigger world out there… that my presence would not even create a ripple. But I hope I get my chance to air what I feel.:-(

It wasn’t a good week. Work is not ok. I had to do a Memorandum due by December 1 and I can’t even finish. That doesn’t make me sad. What frustrates me is the feeling of inadequacy. I feel I am not good enough… Not even enough. Parang wala akong kayang gawin. Parang wala akong improvement. Parang walang nagbago sakin. Parang lahat ng tao, nagdududa na kaya ko ring maging isa sa kanila… na magiging abugada din ako sa lalong madaling panahon. Parang lahat sila, iniisip na ndi pa yun mangyayari sa oras na aking inaasahan. I may just be paranoid. But please!!! It is a VERY SENSITIVE issue! Everything’s uncertain. Almost everything around me is in the brink of being unfavorable. So please… if it is about it, I better not hear it. If you have thoughts particularly pertaining to it, keep it to yourself. If you care enough, help me just improve myself. My faith is in a limbo… between believing HE will give it to me and that I still do not deserve it yet. So please… if you may just help me think of ways to improve. I know I can. I believe I have the heart. Ang kailangan ko lang ay mga taong may malasakit… malasakit na ako’y turuan, palakasin ang aking loob. Hindi kailangan na sabihan ako ng mabubuting bagay na hindi naman din totoo… sa halip, ang kailangan ko ay mga salita na may laman at hindi lamang hangin na wala ni katiting na tiwala. Basta. Ayoko namang hilingin sa Diyos na ipakita sa kanila na sila’y mali, that would not be a good bargain. That didn’t enter my mind from the very beginning. Ang gusto ko lang ay ituon ang aking isip sa misyon na sinabi kong akin bago ko pa suungin ang laban kasama ang Diyos. Pakiusap…

To end the week, I met with college friends. Another friend is about to marry. The third of the weddings I will be attending to in the next two months. First, Marcus and Maan’s, my friends from lawschool. Second is Diane and Clyde’s, Diane is my highschool bestfriend. Third, is Lenmark and Mae’s, Mae is a really close friend from UP Psych. Then fourth, is my boss’s. And then, Emer and Rish’s. They are all taking the next step.

When my friend Eunice got home from the meet up, she sent me an SMS telling me she had a great time with the group again. I told her I missed those times. Sabi nya sumakit daw ang panga nya. Then she said “oo nga, parang wala lang nagbago… maliban… may asawa na sila… tayo wala pa!” Sabi ko naman, “Ay, korek, eu! Naisip ko lang yung mga darating na taon… Sana wala pa ring magbago, maliban sana may asawa na rin tayo.” Aww…

When I got home, i placed Mae’s invitation to the other invitations i got. Then, made me think… grabe! ang tanda na nga namin. those people i once exchanged notes during perception class and spent nights doing term papers and discussing life-changing matters with. My closest friends are about to live their lives with people which, as I quote Mae said, “nakakatuwa lang yung feeling na secured ka… yung pakiramdam na kahit ilang beses kayong mag-away, ok lang. mapapagtiyagaan ka nya. yung kayo pa rin.” They already are secured. They are all marrying.

Then, i thought… when will i get my turn (hehe!)…

“I want to hold a hand when i pray;

one i would place food on a plate for; 

i will send messages telling where I am or what i’m doing when i feel like it;

cook food for;

choose clothes for or at least as to what colors match;

spend holidays with;

pick me up when it is already late;

feel comfortable answering my difficult and serious questions without throwing the questions back at me;

tell me “i miss you” and mean it;

spend time with my family and join us in dining out;

watch tagalog movies with me;

i would hug from the back;

put food into his mouth while he drives;

i would get lost with;

get stuck in traffic with;

discuss national issues with;

would understand my period;

I would say “i love you” to and “i’m in love with you”;

stay in love with and deeper everyday.

Dami pa yan. Gusto ko lang i-save sa isang malupit at bonggang bonggang marriage vow. I will be hearing a lot in the next months. Gene, prepare. Bawal ang magtumbling. hehehe!

P.S. This entry took some time for me to finish. Really wanted to write that night kasi i know my emotion’s too much to contain, I had to write them down and express. Pero I had to attend to something more important.. A close friend is leaving in a month. “I support your decision and I know you’ll grow in taking this next step. I am just sad because I know I surely will miss you. There could have been more that we can share. You’ve been a constant person. You’ll be missed, tsong. You take care of yourself there, ok? Make sure someone looks after you (kahit na nawiweirdohan ka sakin na kailangan ko pa ibilin yun, e matanda ka pa sakin). Basta, basta. Now, SG will surely be one country to visit considering lalo na andun ka na. Dalawin ka namin” Hayy… hindi ka na 3 tumblings-away. Ibang level na ‘to. See you soon, friend.”

I am concerned about you

God may allow us frustrations especially when we have worked so hard to deserve His Blessing… But, we must realize that in the end, we’ll see the reasons behind His work of shaping us to be more worthy of what’s best of the best we thought we can get. We’ll have it at the time and way we are much more in awe.

It is for you… I feel for you. I don’t know you that well but seeing you once in a while made me concerned of what you are and how you may be doing. I am afraid of what pain this challenge may cause you again. But be strong. I cannot come up to you and tell you this straight, I know you don’t know me much either and you may not even care about what I think… Thus, I tried to let it pass through somebody hoping that the message will reach you and help even the least possible way.

God has something best in the offing for you. Just be strong and SURRENDER. God cares. God loves you more than you think He does.

Relaxing weekend: Movie Marathon and Family Time

500 Days of Summer. That started my weekend. Finally, I was able to see the film. They told me it is nice, indeed it is a good one.

Summer: I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you.

Ouch. Haha! Masabi lang. Pero sakit nun for Tom a.. and to everyone who can relate. Hehe.

My Only U. Haha! I said I wanted to watch a comedy movie and a Filipino movie at that. Then I found this. I started laughing and ended up crying. Haha! Mukhang ewan lang. I love the song “Growin’ Old With You” but the Tagalog version isn’t bad at all. Toni sang it well. I was teary eyed realizing along the way what the song really means to me ever since. Hehe!

The Lakehouse. We had the DVD copy of this movie eversince. But I don’t like to watch it before. Memories. Haha! But since I am ok now, I watched it again. Nice. Waiting.

Kate: It’s not meant to be.

Alex: No. Don’t say that. Something must’ve happened.

BFF. Haha! So funny. My mom wanted to see this movie with me eversince. But due to the Pre-bar schedule, we never got the chance to watch it together. My mom is an avid of Pinoy comedies. I love it when she laughs. The only thing I got to share with her is remembering the funny scenes we both recalled. Next time, mama, next time, ndi ko na mamimiss mga trip mo.

Close to you. Ang walang kamatayang Close to you. One of my favorite tagalog movies. Hehe! For whatever it’s worth and whatever it meant and for whatever memories it brings. hahaha! I still cry whenever I get to that part when Bru questions Palits for the sudden change of attitude.

Palits: Ikaw ba ndi magseselos pag nagkagirlfriend ako?

Bru: Ano ka? Ngayon pa nga lang gusto ko ng dukutin mga mata nila noh?

Palits: Ayun nga ang ibig kong sabihin. Masyado na kasi tayong nasanay na tayong dalawa lang. Tuloy nahihirapan na ang ibang tao na makapasok sa mga buhay natin.

Bru: Pero mamimiss kita.

Same old plot. But I still love it. Basta! Dahil sa maraming bagay.

When Love Begins. Wala lang. I just want to share I saw this movie at Cinema One. It was not as bad as I thoguht it was. 

Love me again (Land Down under). Sunod-sunod yung mga new films na hindi ko pa napapanood e. And since relaxation mode, pinanood ko na. Nice din sya. I like the lovescene at the stable. weird pero it was done artistically.

I had great family time during the weekend. I was with my parents saturday night. We attended our regular prayer meeting. Have not done that with them for quite some time now. Then ate at Jollibee after. Simple yet treasured times.

Nobody… Nobody can hurt us the most but the ones we love best.

Need I say more? Hehe!

Then I spent time with Papa sunday morning. We watched Pacquiao vs. Cotto Live. Hehe! Sabay talaga kaming sumisigaw at tumatayo sa upuan at nagtatawa sa mga katabi namin. Hehe! Kulit!

Then, papa, mama, dwight and I ate at Chowking after. We stayed there for three hours! hehehe! table hoarding. At si Papa, magdadasal ng prayer after meals, and dinasal “bless us, O Lord.” Hehe!

Saya! ang saya!:-)

Naku, yun pang October 6-24! Yun ang the best. Ndi na lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na maikwento. Pero yun ang best October ko, ever!!! Cute ng pamangkin ko. Love ko sya talaga! Kung mapopost ko lang lahat ng pictures dito of the best october, I will. Naku, tatry ko talaga! Miss ko na si ate. Miss ko na kuya jd. At higit sa lahat, miss ko na si kitoy! Sana makapunta na ako sa kanila.