Bene. Bene.

What seems to be the thinnest thread of hope is bound to break. Last night, again, frustration came over me. two different worlds in an elevator?! how can that be possible?! sigh, it is much more frustrating and definitely more tiring than a day’s work. wasted and exhausted that i am last night, even more when i had to deal with something i am so discouraged about. the flashes of me just coming up to them and asking for friendship is so vivid. i cannot go on like this. not with the person i promised to keep. if it means admitting and saying sorry for what i did, then so be it. i know in time.

i had to rant the whole night, even while cooking dinner. my friends had no choice but to bear it. what makes it even more saddening is the fact that they disagree with my feeling that it is going to happen sometime soon. They do not think so. That is heartbreaking. For them, it was an objective analysis of what is going on. Then i must accept it.

Then i texted earl. I told him i still hold on to my conviction that “reconciliation is imminent. mabubuo kami ulit lima.” Sabi lang niya, ” i support you, dude. i do, though i do not believe it. though i am hopeful too.” There! A ray of hope! The fact that they are starting to patch things up, that is a glimpse. It is going to happen. the fact that he is already HOPEFUL, it will happen. I know.

I tried to study. I tried to let the thought go. However, as i read through the procedures for presentation of evidence (haha!), i still cannot get my thoughts off the two incompatible worlds . then the thought of Bene came to me. We survived it. After everything, we did. I admit, the events are not on the same plane. But the fact is, what seemed to be far fetched, happened. it did. Thus, i texted him past 1 in the morning.

Gene: I have gone through a lot of things. Some of them, repeatedly. However, what we’ve both become gives me so much hope. I gain so much from it. Salamat, bene.

He was surprised and  actually thought it was missent. Thus, I explained.

Gene: Hay. Basta, bene. I am just thankful that despite the odds, and difficulties, and differences… our friendship prevailed. Salamat. It gives me so much hope that it will be ok. as for everything else. Too sad you didn’t recognize it as I did. But, thank you still.

 

Bene: Wrong! At the very onset, nakita ko na yun. What amazed me in a very unexpected way is that despite everything, you were able to recognize something good about it. I thought all the while you never and never would see such. To my surprise… maybe we’re not just vocal about it. Salamat din, chrisgene.

 

Gene: I guess we don’t really have to be… the heart will find its perfect time and way to express itself. I am much in awe for you’re not merely a friends, a blessing, but most importantly, now, you’re a source of hope. Salamat. It is my turn to say, ‘Words are not enough”.

 

Bene: x x x words won’t really be enough. I am always here, even when words cease to be there.”