psalms and lamentations

my head down. as always. after the resolution and after realizing what it is that will really make me happy, head down. cannot face either. if such can help me not to see, to blind me, to supress it and for both to realize i am humbly asking. i will gladly initiate.

gene: totoo pala na darating ka na lang sa puntong gugustuhin mong ndi mo na lang nakikita at na sana nasa ibang lugar ka na lang. ako lang naman nga ang makulit. ako lang ang mapilit. ayan tuloy.

earl: ha! sabi sayo. pero ganun na nga.

gene: hayy… but i never regret it… i think. because at least, though it is too late, i have exhausted my efforts. tutungo na lang muna ako sa ngayon. iyon pa lang ang kaya kong gawin.

earl: kaya nga.. affected ka pa din kasi. may pakialam ka pa.

gene: oo nga… dahil may pakialam ako. pinanganak akong ganito at naninindigan ako.

PSALM 51

Let me hear the sounds of joy and gladness; and though you have crushed me and broken me, I will be happy once again.

I waited patiently for the Lord’s help; then He listened to me and heard me cry. He pulled me out of  a dangerou pit, out of the deadly quicksand. He set me safely on a rock and made me secure. He taught me to sing a new song, a song of praise to our God. Many who see this will take warning and will put their trust in the Lord.

 

cocooning

because of my belief that we will be having our quiz in civil law review 2 and eventually and more because of typhoon frank, i was stranded in manila and wasn’t able to go home to laguna last weekend. too sad. im not used to that. i miss the house, despite and inspite… i miss papa and mama. i just want to go home.

and because i was forced to stay in the condo the whole weekend, helpless. i wasn’t even able to sleep after a night out with earl, zeen and winston. as in no sleep at all. sunday morning, when everyone’s asleep.. felt weird i was really crying. (i don’t know if they heard me and just didn’t ask as they wanted to give me my time and “space”. or that they were all into their sound sleep) i miss home. i miss ate. sobra. i just want to go back to my cocoon and forget my life in the city for a while.

a thought also came to me: “How do you actually face fears which are inevitable? And how will you be able to fight it when it is already there?” something i fear is either to happen or is happening. i fear it but i know i cannot stop it.

nostalgia over the radio

 after one nakakalokang recit in criminal law review last night (which by the way i attribute to my katamaran and not being able to read the entire coverage in the book which i don’t blame to anyone), i had to unwind and forget about school. I missed having dinner with the tsip. nag-goto lang kami. nakakamiss ang mokong na walang ginawa kundi magsayang ng energy kakapagalit sakin. hehehe! and then went back to the unit and look for earl. aba! aba! namiss ko din yun! ndi na nagpapakita simula ng…. hehehe! (”pagtatampo” na ang tawag dito) Pero gaya nga ng sabi ko… i’m trying to live with changes, detach myself of things and finally letting things GO! hahaha! Nang magpakita sya, ayun, pinutakti sya ng marami kong kwento. hahaha! then we watched the first few episodes of Heroes. Namiss ko ang ganung buhay. saka na ko mag-aaral for my two quizzes in Civ 2.then today, a while ago on my way to office, the FX radio had this song playing…

I spent half my life

Looking at the reasons things must change

And half my life trying to make them stay the same.

But love would fade like summer into fall;

All that I could see was a mystery,

It made no sense at all.

Chorus:

The will of the wind, you feel it and then,

It will pass you blowing steady.

It comes and it goes, and God only knows,

You must keep your soils on ready.

So when it begins, get all that you can;

You must befriend the will of the wind.

 

I spent so many hours

Just thinkin ’bout the way things might have been.

And so many hours tryign to bring the good times back again.

And so it goes for lonely hearted fools;

They let their days slip away

Until they give into.

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Coda:

So when it begins, get all that you can;

You must befriend the will of the wind.

asteeg. nostalgia. parang highschool ako nung sumikat ang song na ‘to. can relate. hehehe!

well to note

Do not settle for anything less just because you think na BAKA maging magulo, if you can strive for what is right AND better… mas mabuti. It may be difficult to achieve  along the way but it may all be worth it.

who is my blueman?

“That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.”

“It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.”

“Strangers are just family you hve yet to come to know.”

who can possibly be my blueman? who can possibly cause my death? abstractly meant or literally..

strive at everyday

i knew it.. a struggle at everyday. a challenge every week. it is not going to be the end of everything, not unless each and everyone completely understands, not unless the heart and the mind have met at one point, compromised and grasped the whole of the situation. i do not intend to blame anyone or condemn someone for being righteous for everyone is entitled to how he or she wants to cope and to comprehend. our love and prayer will get us through and im keeping my faith on that. it is a struggle but one readily taken for the people i love and i keep. let us just take it one day at a time. keep an open mind and heart regardless of what others intend to say.

my classes started last saturday. indeed, be careful what you wish for. my Remedial Law Review II teacher is Dean Jara. I have to make it good. i have to prove to him and to myself that am really not a loser. just had lapses during his time, engrossed with other things, lost my focus, lots of the blahs. but i know i have to really make it good. i will be good. in Civil Law Review II, I will be under Atty. Crisostomo Uribe. I do not know him personally but as i’ve heard, he really is somebody who can fail you to getting a final grade of 60. i don’t know. i’ll just study. Exciting. School na talaga ulit.

Atty. Uribe: Obligation as defined in Article 1156 of the Civil Code is criticized to be unitary in definition. Do you agree? It focuses merely on the debt side of the obligation. I believe that it is not. Why? Credit is a common… anyone? Common?

Classmate #1: WORD!!!! hahahahaha! (astig ka!!!)

Atty. Uribe: An example of an act with no criminal liability but attaches a civil liability?

Classmate #2: Malicious mischief!!!! ….aahh, between husbands and wives. (hahaha! unsatisfied… he has this to say…) Theft!!!! …between husbands and wives!

(thinking too much. conjugal property concept is irrelevant. hehehe!)

funny classroom and recitation moments, soon i’ll have one myself.

missing labdude

YOU remain a beautiful thought.

 

This heart shall never cease waiting for the moment when i can smile and cry with you for a glimpse of what it long hoped for.

start of another semester

finally, nakaenrol na ako! so far, 15 units na ako. Dean Lazo told me to just add a subject. most ofthe classes are closed. i actually had to redo plotting my schedule. hirap talaga ng late mag-enrol. more so, ayoko sa lahat yung uncertain. reason why i hate pre-rog back in UP because you’re unsure if the professors will take you in. i will be adding criminal law review to make it 20 units. i hope they’ll take me in. sarap lang isipin na it’s finally over.

however, i will have to take another sem or a year of dilemma… for a number of reasons. but i want to stay positive. i have to. things will turn out fine. this may be the year for reconciliation, healing and forgiveness, who can say?! God has written it, thus for me to wait to unfold.

i will be having civil law review II, remedial law review II and commercial law review. Ang sarap ng feeling din that i paid for TCAD already. sabi sa bursar, para daw yun sa graduation. astig!!!! my last year!!!! im hoping it is going to be. i am so excited.

hopeful for better things

he finally spoke… making things ok. that is what my dad is waiting for, at least just that for now, to hear from him. i am hopeful things will be better from this point on. im am hopeful it is the start of healing. “For You are the God that healeth me.” We are praying so faithfully that it is going to start smoothly now.

Im craving for tinapa and fried rice. What a morning?! Hehehe! I have not yet enrolled. Waah! I hope classes have not closed yet. I have to take 19 units this sem because i am planning on a very relaxed last semester. I hope we can enrol today.

going through and passing

it is finally out.. i have finally unloaded myself with the burden (which by the way, i never regret taking for her). and so now, we are all up for one of the greatest challenges we have confronted and i believe that we’ll go through this and pass this in due time.

our prayers and love will lead us through this. It has always worked for us and it will still.

Very timely:

I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Psalm 119:25-32.

Thank you for never failing to touch my heart.