Home » Archives » May 2008
fresh morning
May 28, 2008
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22
a fresh morning from Him, from the Giver of this beautiful life on earth and an awesome one in the heavens! 
I am grateful and forever i will be.
hoping sincerely it is just the time of the month
May 27, 2008i really hate what is going on inside my head. i cannot get over it. i am really trying my best to forget but i can’t. it really should have been a lot better if i didn’t get a glimpse today. i would have been satisfied with the thought. i do not know when this will end. it is getting more intense lately. is it because of the time of the month? i really hope so. on may 29 it is. i do not know what else i should do to be better. good thing i have God to surrender it with. if not, i would have felt more helpless than how i do..
ang pagkakaalam ko, when you really want something, your heart will find its way to shout it out for everyone else to hear… more importantly, God,who is the only One who has easy and cloudless access to it, can know what you really want. i have been wanting something for the longest time now. or at least i knew or insist what it is. but ive been hearing God’s answers in three ways: yes, no, maybe. I just have to wait. really wait maybe… until my heart is pure and my intentions are chaste, God surely will give it if He deems it proper. Please hear my heart shouting. You hold my life in the palm of Your hands and everything in it, please grant this heart desire according to Your plan. and with that, please give me the patience to wait and the wisdom to know how You willed it.
i want to read “five people you meet in heaven” again. Zeena has a copy. i will.
it is earl’s birthday today. we do not know what is up for today but i think i should do something. a surprise maybe. i will think about something. surely i will.:-)
was my sunday
May 26, 2008I went to the Kerygma feast with my family yesterday, something we have not done since my dad became our parish council’s vice-president. I missed it. I missed singing my heart out for God. Really. And maybe, that was a step to my long pending time for reflection. It made things a bit lighter and very much manageable.
After the feast, we went to Greenhills. Papa bought me a new phone. Reward for my high grades. Hehe! Nakakatuwa, para pa akong bata na kailangan i-reward for high grades. I’m on my fourth year (fifth year) in law school a. Hehe! ok lang! For affirmation. And in the first place, im still unemancipated. Hehehehe! I love my new phone especially that i got it because of hard work. Fun!
Then i was just home the whole day. took a nap early in the evening. Nagtuloy-tuloy na, my parents didn’t bother wake me up for our prayer time. I woke up about 3 in the morning. I felt so tired. maybe because of my dream. I dreamt of taking an exam unprepared. Only person not ready to take it in a class of 200 plus!!!! In my dream, i was with my high school and law school friends. When i woke up, i cleaned up and forced myself to sleep again. then the horrible thought came to me. I am not yet over!!!! i would like to think it is the season, the time forthcoming that give me these thoughts. i really hope so. or maybe because i just miss (i never really failed to.) i don’t know. one thing for sure, i cannot do anything about it. surrender and pray, that is all i am capable of. Nevertheless, whenever i pray to God, i feel better. knowing that my heart wants to surrender it all to Him though i have momentary slip-ups, i feel so much better. In His perfect timing and package. He’s my Writer.
Another week ahead. Summer is about to end. Sana makakita na ako ng dagat!!! Hehehe!
it has always been about me?
May 23, 2008i had this conversation with a friend late last night… weird! from joking, it ended up to be a bit heavy and then i just slept without talking.
gene: e bakit ako lang sinisisi mo?
friend: ikaw lang ba? ikaw lang? ha?
gene: e bakit sakin ka lang nagsasabi?
friend: bakit ikaw na lang ba palagi? ikaw na lang ng ikaw?
gene: oo, ako.
friend: it’s all about you?
gene: oo.. akin lahat!
i know it is just one talk. it may have been blurted out of the blue. pero parang tinamaan ako. it is so weird i got affected. it made me think actually. selfish ba ako? have it been? have i always been? siguro that is what i get with being too outspoken. no matter how i avoid imposing what i want, it always may seem i am. really sad. siguro kasi i speak too much about my emotions, about my stand on a lot of things kaya eventually, nagmumukha akong conceited. possible. haay… sana mas magkaintindihan.
ok na kami… sana ganito na lang. sana maintindihan nya yung point ko na hanggang ganito lang muna ako sa ngayon. masaya naman na ganito lang e. sana…:-)
blessed day
May 22, 2008i am so blessed today. Indeed, my angel was right… God has wiser answers to my prayers. I feel much in awe sometimes that He gives me even more than what i asked.
i got my grades last night. I passed all my subjects and even two review classes i thought i will fail… both with grades i never thought i can possibly get after my final examinations. God is so good!
there are so much to thank God for. a lot of things! i still hope i can get that time for reflection soon…
from a guardian angel
May 21, 2008
“Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him”
(Matthew 6:8)
My guardian angel for today sent me this. i know now why i feel a bit gloomy today and started my day blabbing about lackign time for reflection. i need to start listening very intently… there are a lot to hear. not what my heart simply shouts but the bigger plans, the wiser answers.
blabbing
i do not really know what to write. i just want to. this is my outlet.
i feel a little gloomy this morning. for what reason? i do not know. maybe because of the songs i have been hearing or that i choose to listen to. maybe because i was left alone last night. maybe because i had to wake up early. or maybe because, i need to go somewhere. i felt that in the past months, i have not really taken some time off for reflection. i have not gone to talk to God about the happenings in my life. i have allowed myself to be so engrossed with a lot of things, with my work and extra-curricular activities that i forgot to be with Him in prayer. i really think it is that basically. i hope i will be able to find time. i will soon. i have a lot of things to confide to Him. there has been a lot of going-ons in my life the past days, a lot of things that have been bothering me. I’ve lost touch. I seem to have concerned myself with a lot of not-so-important things. i will go to Tagaytay one of these weekends. alam ko marami pang parating na mga issues kaya kailangan ko talagang magrecharge.
last night, i went home earlier than usual. hehehe! i shopped for a white sweater and two thin belts (i have this sudden craze for thin belts and dresses the past days. hehehe! ) and then i went to the grocery to shop for food that will be very cooperative to my “diet” and “pagtitipid”. hehehe! i want to do something part time. one that will augment my income. kasi bibili ako ng kotse, magiipopn ako para makabili ng lupa (hindi sa paso). hehehe! as soon as i have paid my expense backlogs, i will start saving. sana magkatotoo.
missing us complete
May 18, 2008 this was us, complete. so sad i don’t remember the last time we were, happy. circumstances allowed us to part ways. but i do keep my faith it is temporary. God made a perfect friendship out of the five of us, and He will bring it back and make us keep it in His due time. Forgiveness, faith, respect and valuing will get us through. Come back. i speak for myself, you’re welcomed. 
this is us now. we’re happy still. and i’ll do everything to keep what we all have right now. happy and light. i will do everything to keep us. fight over all challenges and battles with them. whoever and whatever comes along. kahit sa aming apat pa manggaling ang kalaban… lagot sa’kin.
ang saya nito! with eloisa! mare, you filled the gap and you’re the perfect person to do it.
never will i exchange them
May 15, 2008
may parating na unos…
may parating na bagyo…
pero lahat kami magtutulung-tulong malampasan lamang ito. kaya namin.
alam ko yan.
mahal na mahal ko sila.
take care of your heart
you’re in ecstacy. as you said, marse… kinikilig ka, masaya kahit magulo. enjoy the moment. cease the day! masaya ang buhay. basta tandaan mo, alagaan mo ang puso mo… mahirap pag nasaktan ‘yan. carpe diem! tenga cuidado de su corazón.
bored… idealistic… frustrated
May 14, 2008it is very difficult to set standards of yourself and the things around you. it is more difficult if you seem to not living up to them. and most difficult when it seems that it is beyond your control.
i had this conversation with my sister a while ago.
sis: bakit ba kasi? anong problema?
gene: im bored and i feel so worthless.
sis: anung gusto mong gawin?
gene: maghanap ng ibang trabaho? parang yuon.
sis: na naman? sis, ndi pwede yan. ikaw din ang masisira pag nagkataon. alam mo kasi, maraming bagay ang sa umpisa akala mo perfect, tapos later on, makikita or madidiscover mo na ndi pala.
gene: alam ko naman yun e. malungkot lang talaga.
sis: tsaka, gene, ndi sa lahat ng pagkakataon e tungkol sa profession mo ang dapat mong matutunan. marami pang iba dyan.
gene: like patience? humility?
sis: alam mo naman pala e..
alam ko naman talaga, ate. alam ko talaga. nagkataon na sa ngayon, im still too overwhelmed with my idealisms and the thought that things can be better. maybe here or somewhere. i got this job for training. continuous learning. pero maraming times na stagnant na ‘ko. nalulungkot lang ako.
gusto ko lang ng venue para magrant. this is my outlet.
saan ko isisisi?
kung minsan, hindi ko na talaga naiintindihan kung anong naglalayo sa ating dalawa. kung minsan, ok na ok tayo. kung minsan naman, wala ni isang salita, nagpapakiramdaman, nangangapa. maraming nangyari, pero iyon na nga ang punto, lumipasna iyon. kung ano ang naramdaman mo noon na may kinalaman sa kanya, iyan ang unang dahilan kung bakit sa iyong palagay ay wala ako sa iyong tabi. dahil noong panahon na pinili mong saklawan ng damdamin mo ang pagkakaibigan natin, kasama na ang ibang bagay na ginawa mo na nakasakit sa akin para lamang mapagbigyan ang iyong damdamin… hindi ko nais maging makasarili ngunit iyon na mismo ang aking dahilan. nakita ko ang iyong mga prayoridad. napagtanto ang iyong mga ninanais. hindi ko nais husgahan ka lamang. ngunit iyon ang takot ko… hindi ko nais na mas malaki ang masira. ikaw mismo ang nagsabi, hindi mo iyon iniisip. halos sabihin mong wala kang pakialam. ano ang gusto mong maramdaman ko, gayong alam mo naman na wala na akong ibang nais gawin kundi alagaan ang kung anong natitira?
maaaring hindi lang iyon ang isyu dito… maaarign iba. ngunit kung anuman iyon, hindi ko talaga naiintindihan. ano kaya ang mas mabuti? ang maghiwalay ng landas upang mapanatili kung ano pa ang mayroon o subukan itong ayusin ng ganito? nangako ka noon, aayusin natin ng ganito… ngunit ano ito? hindi ko talaga naiintindihan.
i want to keep my faith.
the lasting last impression
it is sad that sometimes, people get stucked with last impressions. it is but normal that people become jaded with first impression but when you stick to last impression… there’s no more chance, not a venue to change what you have made or what stucked.
hindi ko na yata kayang ibalik kung ano ang meron sa ating dalawa, kaibigan. hindi mo ako hinayaang magpaliwanag. hindi tayo nag-usap. ngayon, isang malaking pader na lamang ang nasa ating pagitan. gusto kong magtiwala na balang araw, guguho ang pader na ito. sana’y mangyari.
open your heart and your mind for me. please.
my song when i feel sad..
May 13, 2008Soundtrack: Facing The Giants
Title: Completely (Ana Laura)
The secret of life is letting go
the secret of love is letting it show
in all that I do
in all that I say
right here in this moment
the power of prayer is in a humble cry
the power of change is in giving my life
and laying it down
down at your feet
right here in this moment
chorus:
take my heart
take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
and let all that is with in me lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone
completely
This journey of life is a search for truth
this journey of faith is following you
every step of the way
through the joy and the pain right here in this moment
Chorus
Vamp: right here, right now, and for the rest of my life
Hear me say
Chorus
I am yours and yours alone
Completely
holding on to others’ fate
May 12, 2008i believe and i keep my faith that they’ll get through… despite frustrations and falling out. there are some good things that survive. there are good things that really last. it is just a matter of keeping one’s faith.
my song for you who waits
May 9, 2008Juana - Don’t Say Goodbye
Juana - Goodbye
Didn’t mean to hurt you badly
Don’t think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you’ve wasted on me
So sorry for the things that you went through
But I know that the problem’s within me
You’re so nice but your love don’t deserve me
Or maybe I’m just so scared to fall in love again
I can still remember the days
So many times I’ve been hurt
So much trust I put on a relationship
So much suffering I got and the pain still remain
You know I like you but I don’t wanna take the risk
So confused and I don’t know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Now I know I wasn’t thinking before
That’s why I’m always ending up with Mr. Wrong
Learning from the past, don’t wanna make a mistake
You could be Mr. Right or could be a fake
You know I like you but I don’t wanna take the risk
So confused and I don’t know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
either of two things
May 8, 2008either of two things: i am really not ready yet or that you are not the one…
i cannot tell you the same things that you tell me because i simply don’t feel them. i am not to force myself to say those things so that i can keep you. if you can’t bear that, then maybe you don’t want to keep me. i have reasons, i know for sure but what they are, i am not certain.. either of two things.
maybe because my world crashed and im still putting it back together. maybe because of my conviction. maybe because you really aren’t the one. i have to be sure. however, i do not want to pressure myself to know it. we just have to take things slow. if it be too slow for you, then i am sorry. this is how i pace. i can’t go any faster.
i do not want to think that you are for convenience. you’re more than that. you’re a person worth keeping, in whatever way. but you see, as of the moment, that is what it really is. it may go beyond. it may be defined.. just not now. please. let me be… let us be.
Boston Legal applied
Danny Crane: Are you sure they were just laughing? You didn’t see them kissing or something?
Alan Shore: They’re laughing…. She’s gone.
(more)
Danny Crane: I hope i was never great.
Alan Shore: But you are still Danny Crane.
Danny Crane: The problem is, I was great and I remember.
I just hope that when God trips us and takes away our talent, He still would have the decency of taking away the memory of it.
not even half-gods
May 7, 2008i hate it when people assert too much authority on me… i do not know if it is just my superiority issues surfacing or it is really just that those people i have issues with do not even have half the right to impose on me. I know how to follow, i believe i know how. May mga tao lang talagang para sa akin ay hindi karapat-dapat.
Nevertheless, since i do not have the ability to say “no”, i would rather follow. But please… spare me! Quit the act!!!! I will let you be what you think you are, but please, stop rubbing in your seeming hallucinations! Grrr…